


Ego Sum

by HakureiRyuu



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: BBS spoilers, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-23
Updated: 2009-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:05:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HakureiRyuu/pseuds/HakureiRyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"I'm what's left. Or... maybe I'm all there ever was."</i></p><p>Xemnas talks to his "friend" in the Chamber of Repose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ego Sum

**Author's Note:**

> If I may brag, I thought of this idea and write this fic BEFORE Birth By Sleep was released. :D But marked for spoilers anyway.

_"Hello, friend."_

There is no response, and he does not expect one. Today is not a talking day, it is a listening day. His friend will listen. His friend always listens.

 _"It has been too long."_

Too long, too long, far too long. The words echo in the empty room as the ideas echo in his empty chest. Empty, empty. But that is good. Echoing means he sees everything from all sides, all angles, all possibilities (for insanity rarely equates to stupidity, as all those insane well know). Repetition, solace, the end of infinity.

 _(white noise-)_

 _"We have found our number thirteen, my friend. Soon we shall be complete."_

Yessss... It would begin at Thirteen, as it would end with Thirteen. Or it would simply end with One, as it began with One. It matters not. Nothing matters.

 _Nothing..._ matters.

(I am...)

( _that which is non-existant, the only thing to survive in a catastrophy of darkness that will destroy all that exists_ _—_ _)_

(Xemnas.)

 _"I cannot help but wonder though. There is something... different... about this one."_

He has met the original _(?)_ , the chosen, which is interesting in itself. He has met him, called him incomplete (an irony, but he has no use for such things), tested his power, and determined him to be worthy of his title—Keyblade Master _(Key to Destiny)_.

The Key to Destiny... Yes, it is the key itself, not the original _(?)_ , that will be of the most use. Whether or not he has a heart will, in the end, make no difference _(_ nothing _matters)_ if all plans grow to fruition. And he has many plans.

(I am...)

 _(he who would gain ultimate power by unlocking the Source, the Betrayer, the Seeker of Darkness, and more worthy of the name than the old fool ever was—)_

(Ansem.)

 _"My friend... perhaps this boy is the one for whom I have been searching."_

Perhaps this Key can find the door to the Room he never _(should have)_ built, the one he has sensed calling to him these many years. He knows it must exist—if this room exists, surely _that_ one must as well—but it has remained hidden to him. _Why_ it has remained hidden does not matter ( _nothing_ matters...), but the Key _will_ draw it out... along with the _other_ Door.

And whether he is referring to the Last or the New or the Original _(why does that seem like the wrong word to use?)_ or even the Copy does not matter either, for they are (almost) one and the same, and their purposes are (almost) likewise.

(I am...)

 _(the talented apprentice with a lifedebt who was denied the answers he longed for, and so willingly became_ no heart _in order to become_ another _—)_

(Xehanort.)

He does not truly remember his past; he only knows as much as he does through persistant research and logical evaluations of remaining evidence (with no emotions to hinder judgement, as _true_ science should be done, and as that fool could never achieve, however he pretended otherwise). He knows who his friend is _(was)_ , and though he cannot care for her as he once did, there is a kind of peace in knowing that someone cares for him and everything he has become.

As he exits the Chamber of Repose, the chains _(of memories)_ grow dull and vanish once again, and his friend takes her leave to await his next visit. He too, awaits the next visit, for it is in times like these, and only these, that he allows himself the frivolity of wondering if he made the right choice.

(Of course, as soon as the door closes behind him, he remembers that what is "right" does not matter either.)

 _I am..._

(longing for the day when I can truly claim to have ultimate knowledge of all things—)

 _I am..._

(searching for a way to wholy exist without the heart that only hinders and the soul that was lost with my memories—)

 _I am..._

(waiting alone on a deserted battlefield to reclaim my honor and fight for my friends and search for that last bit of light present in a star-shaped charm that is an age-old promise that still binds like chains even though nothing is left and no one is there and nothing matters and NOTHING _MATTERS_ _—_ )

 _...Terra._


End file.
